I think I intended to be updating this blog, or at least the news segments, somewhat more frequently. However, things are progressing at a reasonably manageable pace, and so I figure I don't have quite as much exciting news to report.
This past weekend was a blast though, and deserves some review and reflection. My BEd teachers would be proud.
I learned a few new things this weekend:
- I can do long-distance driving more comfortably and longer than before. The Soo is really far enough away to be a pain in the neck. And other places, more literally
- I really do like wedding ceremonies better than receptions, though receptions are cool. The ceremony this weekend was beautiful, God-honouring, centred, rooted, and genuine. I thought that it was simply wonderful. I spent most of the service fighting back tears.
- The airport in the Soo is a long way from St. Joseph island
All told it was a really nice weekend, but now I feel like I have the next few weekdays not so much to be productive or to get work done as to recover. Such is the life of a barely-employed university-educated bum living in his Mom's house.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Self-Flagellation
The literal practice of self-flagellation is old as civilization itself. From the ancient prophets of Baal whipping and cutting themselves on Mount Carmel to the medieval monks of Monty Python striking themselves with thick, hard-cover books to the cilice belt on that ominous Da Vinci Code villain today. And even men and women of faith scourge themselves in less damaging or violent ways all the time.
Let me be clear when I say that this can be and usually is a component of healthy spirituality. Maybe not cutting or whipping, but remorse. Regret. Fasting. The whole season of Lent is meant to bring us into fuller dependance on God and clearer spiritual focus so we can grieve with every iota of our soul on Good Friday. We need to mourn on Good Friday and we need to do it properly if we want a chance to properly rejoice on Easter morning.
But I know I tend too heavily in this direction too often, and especially so when I am in a state of conviction over sin. When I have screwed up and deliberately violated God, I withdraw. Rather than run broken to His arms, I hide my nakedness like Adam before me. I feel like I need to really properly realize the magnitude of my mistake before I can be restored. This usually lands me in the very uncomfortable position of spending several days end-to-end feeling awful and doing nothing about it.
Today I saw a model, however, of what Jesus would have me do instead. A beloved but estranged family member was restored to us today. I watched my Mom accept his return quickly and move straight to consoling and restoring relationship. We didn't hash out how bad the hurt was. And the hurt, believe me, was bad. There were all kinds of fancy sub-hurts and awful barbs in this one. It didn't look like it was going to turn out OK. Have we all talked out all the bits and pieces? No. Will we? No. Ought we? Not if we see the example Jesus gives us:
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons.12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
Let me be clear when I say that this can be and usually is a component of healthy spirituality. Maybe not cutting or whipping, but remorse. Regret. Fasting. The whole season of Lent is meant to bring us into fuller dependance on God and clearer spiritual focus so we can grieve with every iota of our soul on Good Friday. We need to mourn on Good Friday and we need to do it properly if we want a chance to properly rejoice on Easter morning.
But I know I tend too heavily in this direction too often, and especially so when I am in a state of conviction over sin. When I have screwed up and deliberately violated God, I withdraw. Rather than run broken to His arms, I hide my nakedness like Adam before me. I feel like I need to really properly realize the magnitude of my mistake before I can be restored. This usually lands me in the very uncomfortable position of spending several days end-to-end feeling awful and doing nothing about it.
Today I saw a model, however, of what Jesus would have me do instead. A beloved but estranged family member was restored to us today. I watched my Mom accept his return quickly and move straight to consoling and restoring relationship. We didn't hash out how bad the hurt was. And the hurt, believe me, was bad. There were all kinds of fancy sub-hurts and awful barbs in this one. It didn't look like it was going to turn out OK. Have we all talked out all the bits and pieces? No. Will we? No. Ought we? Not if we see the example Jesus gives us:
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons.12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
What is the loving father's reaction to the reprehensible, inexcusable, manipulative son who has returned? While he is still a long way off, his father runs to him! He throws his arms around a physically and spiritually unclean thing, embracing filth and dishonour and evil because of unrestrained grace. This kind of grace defies human expectations and even human senses of justice. This father has humiliated himself, defiled himself, and thrown good money after bad on this ill-intentioned young man who is not even properly repentant.
This is love. This is grace. And that grace doesn't wait for us to be sorry for ourselves before we can take hold of it. God only asks we begin the journey back to Him so that He can see us coming and do 99% of the meeting halfway for us.
Self-flagellation, emotional as damaging as physical, can be useful but it's not a pre-requisite. Just repentance. I hesitate to jump too far and rush to the empty tomb before sitting at the foot of the cross. It's important and necessary for us to reflect on our sinfulness and to be repentant and remorseful, of course. But the desert of conviction is not the place to try and work out our impurities. First return to the father's house! He will dress you in new robes and crown you with new honours. There the ongoing work of sanctification can take place unimpeded by our guilt and sinfulness.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
News - May 5th
Hello Interweb!
It occurs to me that pensive reflection does not so effectively fulfill my initial purpose for starting this blog, and so I ought to use it for its prescribed...use. Or at least to populate the reflections with news and even photos when appropriate or available.
The adventure thus far, since returning home to Brampton:
The search for employment is on. Summer employment, namely. With exciting adventures across the pond coming in the fall, I really just need something to help square a little cash away and not feel like a freeloader. I was initially very optimistic that I could get work tutoring or even summer school work back here in Brampton. Someone who can tutor high school math and science with a teaching degree, I figured, must be marketable in this corner of Brampton.
I was not entirely wrong.
There are, it turns out, a big whack of people in this area advertising tutoring services on Kijiji. Without paying to keep my ad at the top, I'd be one in a sea of hundreds. There's probably work, just it would be nervous. I did, however, respond to a couple ads for people looking for a tutor, and I have a consultation booked for Monday with a lady whose son needs math help. BooYaa!
More exciting, however, is that I was called the very same day by Stats Canada. They wanted me to come in to test and interview for the census enumerator position I applied for back in, like, March. Crazy. I wrote a 12-question common sense and problem solving test, had a very friendly and good-feeling interview, and I'm waiting to hear back on that. I could get almost full time hours doing that work, which lasts 'til July. Very cool. So nothing is set in stone, but I won't be sitting around watching Judge Mathis all day either.
Outside of looking for work, things have been pretty chill. Living at home again is always an adjustment. Especially since this is the first time in maybe 5 years that my sister and I have lived under the same roof for an extended period of time. I don't think we're getting on each other's nerves too much, but between her wedding planning and my resume-slinging we've been busy enough to avoid each other. Ask me again in June how things are going, but I think everything will be fine.
And for you NCCFers and affiliated friends etc., I will confirm the rumours here on the blog: there is a We are Jo(h)n recording in process. Very preliminary processes. If you have lyrics for any of our songs (like, on a napkin or something that we left in your house), please send them to us as we're compiling rough material to put things together. Deo volente, this is happening this summer and it's happening soon.
That's about all the news that's fit to print. Have a happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody.
It occurs to me that pensive reflection does not so effectively fulfill my initial purpose for starting this blog, and so I ought to use it for its prescribed...use. Or at least to populate the reflections with news and even photos when appropriate or available.
The adventure thus far, since returning home to Brampton:
The search for employment is on. Summer employment, namely. With exciting adventures across the pond coming in the fall, I really just need something to help square a little cash away and not feel like a freeloader. I was initially very optimistic that I could get work tutoring or even summer school work back here in Brampton. Someone who can tutor high school math and science with a teaching degree, I figured, must be marketable in this corner of Brampton.
I was not entirely wrong.
There are, it turns out, a big whack of people in this area advertising tutoring services on Kijiji. Without paying to keep my ad at the top, I'd be one in a sea of hundreds. There's probably work, just it would be nervous. I did, however, respond to a couple ads for people looking for a tutor, and I have a consultation booked for Monday with a lady whose son needs math help. BooYaa!
More exciting, however, is that I was called the very same day by Stats Canada. They wanted me to come in to test and interview for the census enumerator position I applied for back in, like, March. Crazy. I wrote a 12-question common sense and problem solving test, had a very friendly and good-feeling interview, and I'm waiting to hear back on that. I could get almost full time hours doing that work, which lasts 'til July. Very cool. So nothing is set in stone, but I won't be sitting around watching Judge Mathis all day either.
Outside of looking for work, things have been pretty chill. Living at home again is always an adjustment. Especially since this is the first time in maybe 5 years that my sister and I have lived under the same roof for an extended period of time. I don't think we're getting on each other's nerves too much, but between her wedding planning and my resume-slinging we've been busy enough to avoid each other. Ask me again in June how things are going, but I think everything will be fine.
And for you NCCFers and affiliated friends etc., I will confirm the rumours here on the blog: there is a We are Jo(h)n recording in process. Very preliminary processes. If you have lyrics for any of our songs (like, on a napkin or something that we left in your house), please send them to us as we're compiling rough material to put things together. Deo volente, this is happening this summer and it's happening soon.
That's about all the news that's fit to print. Have a happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Comments on the Election from a "Sore Loser"
It just occurred to me today that I have a blog, and that such has become the ideal venting point for every opinionated frustration in the literate, technologically-endowed world. Since it's been a few days, I figured it would be reasonable to sum up my most recent reflections.
To put a long story short, I voted Liberal. And, in unrelated news, the Liberals got their worst defeat in Canadian history. So continues my long tradition of picking losers. In all my life I don't think I've actually ever voted for someone who subsequently won. Not, at least, if you don't count class valedictorian last year.
One of the great sad disadvantages of our increasingly-networked lives is that we have a front-row seat to people campaigning at each other on Facebook or through Twitter feeds. Lots of people say this is great for freedom of information. But I lament a newsfeed filled to bursting with polemic, misinformation, and unsophisticated arguments for all sides. I was speaking with my folks about this who were frustrated at their Liberal friends who were very sore losers on the internet. That's fair, actually. Lots of people are sore losers, I suppose. I have had the reverse problem, of being Liberal this time but being surrounded by a horde of Conservative friends who now only barely restrain themselves from gloating. If there's such a thing as being a poor loser, than there are definitely some awful winners on my friends list.
Here's why I think it's a moot point, though: politics isn't a hockey game. Actual lives, principles, and strongly-felt issues fought it out here and I lost. Does that mean I have to stop believing what I believe about our country? Do I, as a patriotic citizen, have to swallow my disagreements and 'support our government'? Hell, no. This election mattered. For example, because we re-elected a Conservative government, more people around the world will die this next year as a result of Harper's withdrawing of most of our foreign aid. That's actual dead people. Because we like our GST reduction and low taxes. I find the short-sightedness of Canadian politics offensive.
The issues here were actually never what the CPC spin-machine tried to convince us they were. The speaker of the house shut down parliament on a vote of contempt. This has never happened in any Commonwealth nation ever in all of history. It means the speaker had to rule that the government had broken the rules of parliament on three separate occasions.
By giving them a majority, Canadians have told Stephen Harper 3 things:
- You are not legally accountable to us so long as you fill our pockets
- We do not understand our own political process, nor do we care that we don't understand it, so long as you get results
- We respond positively to cheap and sleazy attack ads on the TV, intellectually insulting misinformation and verified illegal abuses of power, so long as you don't throw it too heavy in our face.
I refuse to suffer anyone to call me a sore loser. This election mattered and my country chose wrong. We voted selfishly, we voted short-sightedly, and we voted un-informedly. I find it repugnant. I've never loved everything about living in this country. But small, insular politics like this is underserving of one of the greatest, most prosperous, most influential nations on the planet. And so for the next 4-5 years, we deserve what we're going to get. This is going to get much worse before it gets better.
As a post-script, if I have offended some of my friends or family, which I suspect I may have, by emotionally combatting your political convictions, I meant to. I am offended by what this country has done. I thought we were bigger people than this. I actually cared about this election, and so, like 60% of Canadians, I reserve the right to be upset about what happened on Monday.
To put a long story short, I voted Liberal. And, in unrelated news, the Liberals got their worst defeat in Canadian history. So continues my long tradition of picking losers. In all my life I don't think I've actually ever voted for someone who subsequently won. Not, at least, if you don't count class valedictorian last year.
One of the great sad disadvantages of our increasingly-networked lives is that we have a front-row seat to people campaigning at each other on Facebook or through Twitter feeds. Lots of people say this is great for freedom of information. But I lament a newsfeed filled to bursting with polemic, misinformation, and unsophisticated arguments for all sides. I was speaking with my folks about this who were frustrated at their Liberal friends who were very sore losers on the internet. That's fair, actually. Lots of people are sore losers, I suppose. I have had the reverse problem, of being Liberal this time but being surrounded by a horde of Conservative friends who now only barely restrain themselves from gloating. If there's such a thing as being a poor loser, than there are definitely some awful winners on my friends list.
Here's why I think it's a moot point, though: politics isn't a hockey game. Actual lives, principles, and strongly-felt issues fought it out here and I lost. Does that mean I have to stop believing what I believe about our country? Do I, as a patriotic citizen, have to swallow my disagreements and 'support our government'? Hell, no. This election mattered. For example, because we re-elected a Conservative government, more people around the world will die this next year as a result of Harper's withdrawing of most of our foreign aid. That's actual dead people. Because we like our GST reduction and low taxes. I find the short-sightedness of Canadian politics offensive.
The issues here were actually never what the CPC spin-machine tried to convince us they were. The speaker of the house shut down parliament on a vote of contempt. This has never happened in any Commonwealth nation ever in all of history. It means the speaker had to rule that the government had broken the rules of parliament on three separate occasions.
By giving them a majority, Canadians have told Stephen Harper 3 things:
- You are not legally accountable to us so long as you fill our pockets
- We do not understand our own political process, nor do we care that we don't understand it, so long as you get results
- We respond positively to cheap and sleazy attack ads on the TV, intellectually insulting misinformation and verified illegal abuses of power, so long as you don't throw it too heavy in our face.
I refuse to suffer anyone to call me a sore loser. This election mattered and my country chose wrong. We voted selfishly, we voted short-sightedly, and we voted un-informedly. I find it repugnant. I've never loved everything about living in this country. But small, insular politics like this is underserving of one of the greatest, most prosperous, most influential nations on the planet. And so for the next 4-5 years, we deserve what we're going to get. This is going to get much worse before it gets better.
As a post-script, if I have offended some of my friends or family, which I suspect I may have, by emotionally combatting your political convictions, I meant to. I am offended by what this country has done. I thought we were bigger people than this. I actually cared about this election, and so, like 60% of Canadians, I reserve the right to be upset about what happened on Monday.
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